President Obama conducted a Press Meeting today to provide details to his latest Jobs Program.
President Obama (PO): “Thank you, yes, (laughing) ok, tomorrow. Our nation finds itself under a dark cloud of unemployment these days, and to spite the greatest economic minds at Harvard, things are not getting better. We see this as a ‘BIG’ problem that needs a ‘BIG’ solution.
“We asked the question, “why are people not working?” and the best of minds in my economic circles answered, “Because they don’t have jobs.”
“So, we put our ‘big’ heads together over the last week while vacationing and golfing and determined that our ‘BIG’ jobs plan is, everyone needs to find a job, now. Ahh, it’s easy.
“Also, we determined that employers who could hire are not hiring, because they are racists. My administration will not tolerate racism and we plan on adding a 45% non-hiring tax to all businesses found conducting these practices. That is our ‘BIG’ plan.
“I will now open the floor to questions.”
Unidentified reporter: Mr. President, you said that if a business owner doesn’t hire they are racists. Does that include minority business owners?
PO: I, um, I will not entertain such a racist question. Next.
Unidentified reporter: Mr. President, are you saying your big “JOBS PLAN” is for every one who doesn’t have a job to go out and get a job? Isn’t that the problem, that there are no jobs to get so people are unemployed.
PO: Certainly, that is one way to see things. Racist Tea Party people have that view, as well as certain home grown terrorists in the South. We see it more as a greed problem where greedy business owners prefer to keep and use the return on their investment for themselves, instead of servicing their neighbors, and paying higher taxes. It is a ‘BIG’ problem. Next.
Unidentified reporter: Mr. President there are some who have said that your policies are causing all the unemployment. You have shut down the oil drilling industry, the coal industry; your Health care program is going to crush business owners. What do you say to those claims?
PO: My plans would have worked if Republicans didn’t block everything I wanted to do in my first two years. They are the party of “NO” and it is my opinion that they wantAmericato fail. They were a ‘big’ contributor to our current problems.
Unidentified reporter follow-up: But Mr. President, the first two years of your administration you had a majority in the House and the Senate, the Republican Party didn’t have the votes to block your agenda, you actually got everything you wanted.
PO: If you believe the Media, that would be true, but if it were true, we would not be in this double dip recession because my plans never fail, and I don’t plan to fail. I plan to complete my transformation of this nation, and if it doesn’t happen, it won’t be my fault.
That is it for now, remember, everyone, you need to be employed by July 2012, or we will see you as part of the ‘BIG’ problem, and we have solutions you won’t like. Thanks for coming, and I blessAmerica.